I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
