Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
