Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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