Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
