I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
