I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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