Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
