i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
