as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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