All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
