i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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