I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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