Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my being single is dangerous.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
