its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
