I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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