i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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