I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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