The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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