Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
