You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
