I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
