Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
