Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize