3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
