Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
