So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
