after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize