i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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