Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
