woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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