im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
