This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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