I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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