the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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