I showed him my bush... on skype.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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