i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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