And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
