Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
