i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
