you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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