i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
