We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
