just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
