we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
