I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize