I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Randomize
