he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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