you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
