my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
