I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
