we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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