If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize