Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize