its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just cut my nipple shaving
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
