I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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