i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
