so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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