I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
