i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
