We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
