Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
