My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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