Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
