It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
