Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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