I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
