i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
