we're blogging at a bar
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
