I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We are two peas in an std pod
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize