Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
