No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
