she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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