Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
