God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
