i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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