Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
