Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
