oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
