Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
