She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
