A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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