I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
