I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm really busy with my period
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