Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
