Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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