i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
