His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
