If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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