turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize